1. "When are you getting married?"
We got married when we were ready. Yes, it took us longer than some couples and not as long as others. It was our own special timeline based on our own relationship and individual goals and personalities. But really, it's nobody's business if a couple chooses to get married at all.
2. "When are you having kids?"
I got this one a lot, starting with the day of our wedding. Really. Just got married. Calm down, people. My go-to answer was "When we're ready." I highly recommend this thinly-veiled smart ass response to all my friends who don't want to be TOO snarky, but want to stop the nagging. It's not anyone's business (again). Whether we did or didn't want children, or whether we struggled to get pregnant, or any of that. "When we're ready" says "I don't want to discuss this any further." Maybe we'll never be "ready." So, butt out. Unless the couple opens up about it... well, don't ask.
3. "Are you having twins?" and all kinds of comments about a pregnant woman's size:
Don't. Nothing good can come from this. Don't.
4. "When are you having another?"
Got this one the day after my baby was born. Like... I was barely even coherent. Umm... Maybe never. Maybe in 5 years. Maybe I just haven't announced yet and I'm not ready to. None of anyone's business. I find that clearly telling people "Maybe never" actually helps. Most people don't ask again after that. A few people do try to argue that we'll change our minds. Well... maybe we will, maybe we won't. That's the beauty of "maybe."
5. "Is she sleeping through the night yet?"
This is a great question to ask if you are feeling like getting punched in the face today. Truthfully, the answer is complicated. "She sleeps like a baby" is a pretty good response. You see, babies don't sleep in a predictable pattern most of the time. They go through phases (see my previous posts about this), and that is normal. It is normal for my 11-month-old to wake up several times a night. It's normal for her to sleep all night, too. Either way, it's "normal," because "normal" varies so much at this age. Maybe she slept well this week, maybe she didn't. If we're having a particularly rough sleeping phase and you ask me this, I cannot be held responsible for my instinctual response to kick you.6. "When are you weaning?"
It's between me and my child and nobody else. "When one or both of us is ready." I don't know when that will be. I had my goals and we've pretty much reached that... and if you'd asked me before I held my child in my arms for the first time, I might have said "We'll wean at about a year." Well, a year is creeping up and although we nurse less now (mostly for naps and bedtime and otherwise if she wants to), I see no weaning in our near future. Nursing is easier now than ever. It's a huge comfort to her through teething and the inevitable scrapes and falls of new-toddlerhood. It's a peaceful pause in my day to doze in the rocking chair with my snuggly warm baby and let my thoughts wander. It's good for both of us right now. When it's not working any longer, we'll wean. But considering most people wouldn't even know we're still nursing unless I told them... what's it to them?
7. "Do you think she might be allergic to your cats?"
...No. No, I don't think that at all. I know she's not allergic. How do I know? Because although my child has had several colds in her first year of life, she gets better in between those colds. She gets viruses around the same time her daycare friends are also sick (I know some of their moms very well). Even if she was allergic to the cats, this would be such an upsetting topic for me. I love our cats. They are family. If the answer was "yes, she is allergic," I would then have to explain why we would not be re-homing our furry family. I feel very strongly about this. Finding our fur-children a new home would be almost impossible for me to cope with, and would be the absolute last resort after a huge amount of research, exploring options, talking to our pediatrician, allergists, and every other expert or resource I could find. It wouldn't be a simple matter of "Oh, yeah, you're totally right! Guess we have to just become a pet-free home!" No, it would be heartbreaking and so very, very hard. It would be something I would not want to talk about. But, thankfully, she's not allergic to the cats. She's a baby. She goes to daycare. She licks the floor and chews on pieces of carpet and tries to eat playground mulch and grass that has probably been peed on by the neighbor's dogs. Of course she gets a lot of colds!
8. "You're still trying to lose that baby weight, huh?"
Nope, it's gone. Been gone for months. But thanks for pointing out that I am still (and always have been) overweight and that my body is not as toned as it used to be. If you don't like how I look, I guess that's your problem, huh?
9. "How did you lose the baby weight so quickly?"
Don't ask me this... because I'll feel guilty. I didn't do anything. I breastfeed and I eat when I'm hungry and try to drink plenty of water and occasionally I take my kid for a walk. But those things don't work for everyone and I wish women weren't so worried about losing the baby weight in a certain amount of time. If you carried around another human life in your body, be proud of that body. It's pretty freaking amazing.
10. "Dads just don't understand what moms go through, do they?"
Okay, well, no but yes. No, dads do not have the same experience that moms do. They don't have the crazy hormones or the recovery from birth or the leaky breasts or the body image woes or the crazy maternal instincts that come out of nowhere. But... dads have their own challenges, and many dads out there really try very hard to take on as much of the parenting burden as they can. I know I have a bit of an unusual circumstance in that, aside from when he's at work, my husband and I try to split parenting 50/50. I try to let him figure out his own way of doing things. I don't hover. I am not the only one getting up all night... and even when I was the only one my baby would allow to rock her to sleep at 2am, my husband stood outside the door, heartbroken and anxious, because he wanted to help. He wanted to be wanted. He felt kind of rejected and unimportant. Poor guy! I have never gone through that because baby almost always wanted me for the first 9 months of her life, give or take. I don't know what that feels like, but it must feel awful! So, don't shortchange the dads, man. They go through some very tough stuff, too.
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